From my heart to yours #1

I try, I try hard.

I try to sleep, I try to wake up.

I try to play, I try to run.

All these things, I try to do.

I think I put in a lot of me, but I also know I didn’t.

I think I can do it, but also know I can’t.

Waking up every day, answering questions

Is everything okay?

The answer isn’t no, it’s I don’t know.

I don’t, I wish I knew.

It’s strange

It’s been a long time since I felt an emotion truly

I laugh but I don’t, I cry but I don’t.

I shout but inaudibly, I speak but words don’t come out.

I don’t know how this began, I can’t say what happened.

I can’t blame a person or place,

But slowly and gradually,

I have started to drown.

And I don’t know how to swim.

Sometimes I wish I knew, but other times, I don’t care.

Oh yes, I do have people who love me

And I love them back,

They ask me what they could do to help,

But I don’t know what I need help for.

Surely, something has changed.

Something which doesn’t fit in.

Something I can’t speak, hear or even feel.

I want to seek help, but I am so afraid to talk.

I don’t know what I might say

What I might reveal.

Who might get to know, who might make fun.

And to be honest, I wonder whom I can approach.

They will probably think it’s just a heart break,

Or just an exam result .

Or just an accident.

But I know it’s more than that.

It’s more than what I can say,

It’s more than they can hear.

Maybe I am just afraid,

Yes that is it.

I am just afraid that they will get to know.

They will listen and tell.

They will talk, share, show sympathy.

And I don’t want that.

Cuz they don’t care.

And I know that.

I think they call this depression, I am not sure.

If only it was easier to speak out aloud,

If only it was easier to talk than to write.

I think it would be easier.

I don’t believe, I think.


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